Open Hearted Letter to the Full Moon in Leo
Lately though I've been thinking about how often even I still find myself subtly closing off and how often I see others going about their lives with their chest sunken in, shoulders forward, guarding their swollen heart from the world around them, afraid to be vulnerable. I found myself thinking, "Oh well I can just puff out my chest with my shoulders back and open my heart any time I notice myself closing off. No problem!"
Well, this week no matter how often I take this position, I can deeply sense the stress and strain of opening physically without allowing myself to actually acknowledge and experience the pain that weighs heavy on my heart.
I know I'm not the only one who sees the suffering in the world and in the lives of the people around me. I also notice how many others like me keep their head up high, grinning and bearing the weight of the word on their shoulders like a good, civilized, working intellectual. This is Capricorn and Aquarius season after all.
We must make the most of things, or so we think, so we can enjoy the holidays and do whatever needs to be done to care for the people around us and maybe even, just be there. The truth is we can't really heal or help anyone else outside ourselves until we do this for ourselves. It's powerful and beautiful in its own way to be there for others, yet it only takes away from the real power we each individually have for ourselves. The power to heal others through healing ourselves.
How often do we focus on others to avoid focusing on ourselves? How often do I think to myself "If I am there for this person and that person and speak up about this issue and that world issue, I am somehow helping. I am, in my own small way, making a difference." This is true but we are miss guided if we think this is ALL we can do.
The lesson of this Full Moon in Leo, opposite to the Sun in Aquarius, is showing us that healing can happen if we take action to accept and experience it for ourselves, within ourselves. This is also due to Mars squaring Chiron the wounded healer on the same day.
Others can try to assist us but how can they if we are afraid of the pain that comes with facing our own broken hearts. All the times we have been let down, confused, scared and hurt by our love for ourselves or our love for something outside us. The moon is also square to Jupiter so our emotions feel extra BIG.
I often think about how when people experience physically trauma, they require physical therapy and the painful process that healing is because we must put the pieces back in place and use the broken muscles to rebuild that important tissue so the scarring doesn't keep us tight and unable to move. This is the same process energetically when we must heal our hearts. The more we ignore the pain, the harder it gets to heal properly and the more we unconsciously take our pain out on the people around us.
The tough part is we are never really finished healing because we are never free from the vulnerability of being hurt again. Especially if our hearts are covered in scars, left unattended for years and years, that tissue is thin and the bones break easier if ignored and left out of place again and again. It takes a certain amount of strength to practice healing ourselves and only then can we even comprehend how we might assist in someone else's healing.
That's the big lesson I'm learning myself right now. The more I subconsciously avoid my own healing, the more I am subconsciously avoiding opportunities to genuinely assist others. This is why I often feel so ashamed. No matter how much I try to spread light and love and support, it comes from a place of self-betrayal when I'm not generously giving that same love and support to myself. I know I'm not alone in this but it's a difficult thing to face and understand when the world around us appears to be spiraling into chaos. I find myself clinging to order and logic, searching unknowingly for God.
Leo is represented as the Sun and the Sun is seen in many cultures as "God". The light bringer, the healer. Leo also rules the green heart chakra and unconditional love. If our love is conditional to only certain people and certain feelings and specific times and groups and situations... we aren't really open and loving and capable of healing. Will we ever find love if we cannot see it within ourselves?
I felt myself taking on the pain of the world recently so I could avoid the pain in my own heart and I see now that even though it hurts and it's scary as hell, my heart is stronger than I know and the strength of God is always available if I allow the fullness of it to move freely in and out of my heart.
At first it feels tight and heavy, then excruciating and overpowering. Humbling. And then, if I can truly be patient with these intense feelings, not holding back tears and the different energy that needs to be expressed, there's a powerful release. This isn't something we can always experience with others, yet sometimes we may feel we need support, but I hope you can find the support you need within yourself because it's the most powerful support you will ever find.
You have everything you need to heal and release the things no longer serving you. There's no ritual or magic spell that you need to do this, although you can use those methods if you would like. All you need is your conscious, unconditional love shinning into your own heart space. Allow your heart to really open wide, let universal love in and release it out with whatever needs to be released and most importantly remember that it's all love. The pain and the fear, it's all love. Accept it and allow it take motion. Emotions are just energy in motion. Take action to move the energy within your body so you can feel the lightness of being free. Let go of the weight of the world and rest so you can see how strong you actually are. When you're ready for the next challenge, you can pick things back up again exactly where you left them, but maybe this time you'll be able to move mountains.
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